Oct

19

Women, Martial Anger & Stayin’ Alive

Filed Under Mars the Warrior, Newsletter, Real Time Astrology 

bottled up angerAs women, how many of us have really learned that anger, when expressed appropriately, is healthy? From our moms? Really?

With Mars transiting through the sign of it’s fall, Cancer, self-assertion and emotional health go hand in hand. Your fighting style affects your longevity and health. New research says: during a 10 year research study, women who bottled up their feelings during fights were 4 times more likely to die than women who spoke up. And unexpressed anger led to depression and eating disorders. Scary.

My mother’s Mars was in Libra, conjunct Neptune. She had a difficult time with the whole idea of asking for what she wanted – it was more like an unconscious assumption that everyone else would go her way – and we often did, because with a Mars like that it’s hard for anyone to contribute their two cents and get it. Her MO just kind of steamrolled you. The times I remember her getting very angry she took either the role of victim (why are you doing this to me?) or martyr.

The martyr is a Mars/Neptune skill. By not asking for what you want, you get exactly what you don’t want, then skulk and sulk around about it. Then you become identified with “a lost cause” (in this instance, percieved failings of her marriage) and give away your own willpower and power to choose. Carolyn Myss says: a Martyr is a person who has learned to utilize a combination of service and suffering for others as the primary means of controlling and manipulating her environment. Not pretty.

In so many ways, I believe this complex pattern contributed to my mother’s premature death.

But wait…that’s the great thing about Astrology. By looking at your Mars in your birth chart, you too can find your very own shadow, become healthier and maybe even live longer!

Here’s the article:

How To Make a Difference in Your Marriage and Your Health

Do you believe that frequent fighting, or the topics of your fights, can influence your physical health? Wrong, says new research. Turns out it’s really how you fight, and how you react to and resolve conflict, that matters. And, the impact on your physical health varies dramatically, depending on whether you’re a man or a woman.

One fighting style in particular garnered special attention. So-called “self-silencing” – keeping quiet during a fight – is especially damaging to women’s health, whereas bottling it up did not have a measurable impact on the physiology of men.

A study of nearly 4,000 men and women from Framingham, Mass. revealed that 32 percent of men, and 23 percent of women typically kept their feelings bottled up during marital spats. Women who didn’t speak their minds in those fights were four times more likely to die during the 10-year study period as women who always spoke their minds.

In fact, self-silencing takes a surprising physical toll on women. Other studies have linked the trait to numerous psychological and physical health risks, including:

Depression, Eating disorders,Heart disease

Additionally, the way you interact during marital arguments is as important a heart risk factor as whether you smoke or have high cholesterol, says Timothy W. Smith, a psychology professor at the University of Utah.

For women, whether a husband’s arguing style is warm or hostile had the biggest impact on her heart health.

Interestingly, the level of warmth or hostility had no impact on men’s heart health. Instead, the men’s heart risk increased if disagreements with his wife involved a battle for control – regardless of whether he, or his wife, was the one vying for control.

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Comments

One Response to “Women, Martial Anger & Stayin’ Alive”

  1. cskougor on October 24th, 2007 7:47 am

    Oh Jess, thank you for this. As usual your astrological timing is right on target. I recently made some real headway in this very area by having to speak my truth when I knew it was not the popular opinion. As you know I struggle with depression, and have also recently quit smoking. Both of these behaviors have historically been ways for me to stuff my emotions. Not healthy, but effective in the short run. Without these coping mechanisms I feel more vulnerable, and I dont like upsetting others, and having to deal with their wrath (or my projected/perceived wrath that is going to reveal itself if I don’t agree).

    So recently I was tested, and though I felt uneasy, though I got sick afterward, I spoke my truth and didn’t back down when the stakes got high. I feel so relieved now that I spoke out, and up for myself, and didnt chase the assertion with a self defeating behavior.

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