Moonkissd by Jessica

The quiet of the desert sharpens the senses. Splashes of color contrast against the sun bleached dirt. Hummingbirds frequent our flaming orange-red flowers, as do yellow-jackets. We’ve driven from Todos Santos to Cabo Pulmo, Baja, not a town, not quite a village – more like an outpost in the only coral reef in North America, on the shimmering turquoise Sea of Cortez. Of the two available cabanas for rent, we choose the one with hammocks, a porch and a seaside breeze. With five of us in one room like overstuffed tamales, the porch becomes a handy second – for reading, playing Boggle, escaping the heat of the air condition-less cabana.

Yes, I said air condition-less. This isn’t Texas, pardner. The 20 or so cabana outpost doesn’t have electricity - everything is solar or gas-powered. And it’s this, combined with no “legal” property taxes, makes living off the grid attractive to eco-conscious property tax paying Californians. That’s legal in quotes – we get the impression there’s a form of outlaw law in Baja. With no actual property titles granted by law, we understand that you’d have to pay “someone” to keep squatters from taking over your house while you’re on vacation in the States. Having grown up visiting the gold mining ghost towns of Colorado as a girl, I wonder, is this what its like to live in the Wild, Wild West? We see no evidence of unlawful behavior by our California standards, other than the rolling stop at Stop signs – granting anyone right-of-way via the slow roll through a car-filled intersection.

Time doesn’t just slow down here, it appears to stop. The first night here I take a walk. I hear the sound of birds, the ocean and palm fronds moving to the rhythmic, warm breeze. But it’s quiet that I hear – stillness. On some level, nothing moves and yet I know everything changes. My eyes would deceive me, telling me it looked like this last year – the same three restaurants, Los Caballeros, Nance’s, Cabo Pulmo Café, the same mountains, sea and sky. It has always been this way. I want to put my ear down to the desert mantle, hear its secrets, to know its longings. Because it has been here far longer than I, because I want to know it’s story and because I know it’s seen everything. It’s the wise and timeless desert, and standing under the dark moonlit sky I belong to it.

I see a group of horses appear from out of the skyline, probably 8 or 9 including a young foal. They are Mustangs, universal symbols of free-spiritedness, unbridled and pioneering. There’s something primal about seeing these wild horses now, appearing from the desert, soon to disappear back into the desert. Do they truly belong to no one? They wander past me on the road, and into the yard of a small adobe looking for food. An older Spanish lady comes out and waves her arms, shooing them away. They oblige, returning to the road again to stop and contemplate their next move. The foal suckles the mother for milk and like looking for water in a cactus, she disappoints. They wander down the road and I am left wondering after them, will they be safe, will the baby find food, will they remain beautiful and free? Yes, the pioneer, the survivor of the dry, desert plain, these live inside me. I have known the hardship accompanying this kind of wild freedom. And I still find it beautiful.

The days here are easy to fill when the heat takes over. In a bigger city, the kids would’ve cried boredom throughout. As it is, after day one, not a peep. Too tired to move, there’s nothing to do but read or organize board games. And go to the beach – a spectacular restorative for contagious Baja lethargy. The initial step is motivating. Inertia, I’ve discovered, is best overcome through beginning with the simplest tasks: first, put on bathing suit. Next: sunscreen. Riding the momentum gained, gather supplies, towels, cold water, assemble snorkel gear and get in car, quickly. Hooray, forward motion achieved! Our favorite snorkel spot is called Secret Beach, reached by a rocky mile long hike along the edge of a steep cliff. Some of us are afraid of heights, but the little one fearlessly leads the way. Even though the Sea of Cortez is notoriously warm, when we jump in to the water, it’s arctic. Like a refreshing glass of ice-cold tea. The reef is busy today, with Puffer, Moorish Idol, Cortez Angelfish a Sting Ray and lemon-yellow fish that reminds me of needle nose pliers –Reef Cornet. Swimming with the fish it’s easy to forget everything but this, the water pulling you in and out with the tide, the amplified sound of the in and out breath through your mask, the delight and surprise of seeing something you’ve never before seen. Sometimes you can’t see anything at all, but your mask has clouded over. So you return to the surface, rinse it out and descend again, realizing that you what you disappointedly mistook for blurry nothingness was untrue -you were surrounded by fluorescent, electric beauty all along.

To my stepdaughters last night, I remarked that the Moon was full in Capricorn, to which I’m invariably asked, what does that mean? They want a simple answer, something neatly packaged. I notice it’s never a simple answer - even though I want to give them an easy one, one that doesn’t involve being a beginner all over again walking through the steps I’ve traced so often before. But I cannot. She’s the Moon, I groan inwardly, not easily understood… The Moon is reflective of the Sun’s light, and translator of all other planets, in short, she’s much more than the sign she occupies, or the Sun she reflects. There’s much to consider. So we start simply, as we always do.

At this, the yearly crossroads of summer’s Capricorn Full Moon, we see forward and back. Capricorn reminds us of the passage of time, our obligations in the world, the pinnacles we want to achieve in the world of men (and women). And now, during this time of the year when we’d rather be sunning on a rock, deaf to the cares of the world, lost on our own private beach, on an outpost far away from civilization surrounded by the people who remind us of home in the best sense! It sounds like a summer vacation, doesn’t it? Life can appear both contradictory and complete at Full Moon. It’s the unification of opposites, el Sol and la Luna pulling us in two directions at once – the soul yearning for her opposite – the self-aware ego. The soul, La Luna, magnetizes the ego’s desire, El Sol, into a tangible feeling or event, a purposeful awareness that will soon be actionable.

Dreams mingle with memories during Cancer Sun times, urging us toward inwardness, taking form in watery reminiscing, nostalgia for the way things were, once, and questions about what’s coming next. Family members visit in dreams, if not in real life. Hearts are full of bounty, the sweetness of summer like a magical spice, seasoning everything we do with hope and tender romance. Souls are gentle, loving. As the fruits of our labors bloom, we are at the height of our own personal summer. What of Capricorn Moon, the desire for recognition and personal soul-spirit achievement? Can you take conference calls from your beach chair? Certainly, but don’t expect a response. I’m remembering a boat slyly named “At The Office.” Everyone’s on vacation, including the CEO’s and decision-makers. This is your private time for reflection, time to find the silence in your heart before moving ahead with your ambitious plans.

It’s time for romance, crazy. Big love is in the air. Love Goddess Venus and her Lover Divine Neptune cover everything with shimmer and glimmer. That tantalizing object of desire may’ve been just out of reach before, but today has never felt so close - just like the extraordinarily large, illusory Full Moon in the night sky. As Venus dances between Neptune and Saturn we come to realize even the promise of a storybook romance, a killer career, or swearing off sweets requires practical steps – the least of which begins with the question: are you truly ready? Saturn gives us a realistic picture of where we are in the process: whether it’s opening our hearts to love, expressing ourselves, or moving forward with a creative project. A commitment involves making a definitive choice, which definitively excludes others. This promise (building over the past year) has never really satiated an unquenchable thirst – it’s provoked and egged it on, to epic proportions. Use this Full Moon to meditate on it, because when Mercury directs (July 9 and through the rest of the summer) you’ll take the necessary steps to make your vision real.

Finally, the asteroid Ceres is part of a spectacularly rare and special kite formation in the sky, between the Full Moon and the Moon’s Nodes. Ceres is the caretaker of the Zodiac, enhancing the feminine, unconditional love energy of Cancer Sun and Capricorn Moon. She’s a mother, a step removed, a stepmother, adoptive mother, grandmother, special auntie or nanny, anyone who’s loved and nurtured you selflessly, unconditionally, especially through loss, grief, trauma and abandonment, as though you were her own. In the sign of Taurus, Ceres births everyone’s inherent nurturing, provider gifts to the fore. What nurturing gift do you have to give or receive? As a step mom, I’m being called to act on the behalf of my own Ceres this Full Moon. Because the way I “take care” is through philosophizing, teaching and identity-seeking (my Ceres is in the sign of Sagittarius) I’m “coincidentally” giving my stepdaughters astrology lessons! Of course I’m not sure who’s more eager for our daily lesson – them or me.

This brings me back to their simple question: what does it mean? Of course they want a simple answer, we all do. Which means we’re at the beginning, again. So we climb the mountain anyway, despite the noontime heat, knowing we’ll have plenty of time to rest underneath the shades of palm. And as we move from chapter one to chapter two, always a beginner, the complexity we face, we face together.

…from Yahoo!News 

This weekend’s full moon hangs lower in the sky than any other full moon of 2007, according to NASA, and it’s a good time to be fooled.

When low on the horizon, the Moon can appear to be larger than when it’s higher in the sky. It’s all an illusion, scientists say, and it does not involve any enlarging effects of the atmosphere. Rather, it’s all in your mind.

Here’s how it works:

Our brains think things on the horizon are farther away than stuff overhead, because we’re used to seeing overhead clouds that are close compared to those on the horizon. In the mind’s eye, the sky is a flattened dome.

With this dome as a reference, we expect something on the horizon (such as the moon) to be father, and because it is actually no farther than when overhead, our brains goof and imagine that it is larger.

Skeptical? You can test this from home.

When the moon first rises, hold something small like the eraser of a pencil at arms length and compare its size to the moon on the horizon. Do the same a couple hours later when the moon is higher. Or try this: Take a picture of the moon in both positions, then cut, paste and compare. Another trick: Make a tube from rolled-up paper so the opening is just slightly larger than the moon when it rises. Tape the tube so the size stays fixed, then check later to see if the moon has changed sizes.

Officially, the moon will be full Saturday June 30 at 9:49 a.m. ET. Of course, you’ll want to do your looking in the evening. Local moonrise times are available from the U.S. Naval Observatory. Keep in mind that mountains and buildings can dramatically alter your actual local moonrise time.

The big-moon-rising effect will be evident Friday, Saturday and Sunday. On each evening, the moon will appear nearly full. Interestingly, the moon is never fully full from our point of view, but that’s another story.

While you’re out, check out Venus and Saturn, which are snuggling close together in the western sky as darkness falls.

So why is one full moon lower in the sky than another? The moon’s orbit around Earth is tilted 5 degrees compared to the plane of Earth’s travels around the Sun, and Earth itself is tilted on its rotational axis. All this accounts for the lunar phases, and it also means the moon’s path through our sky can be higher or lower depending on the angles on any given night.

The complex orbit of the Earth-moon system is constantly evolving, too. Right now, the moon is moving away from us by more than 1.5 inches every year.

Top 10 Moon Facts
Moon Phases, Moon Names, Lunar Lore
Lunar Image Gallery

Sometimes we don’t know why we need to follow the impulse to go where we’re called…we just go. This is the nudge I felt toward visiting Todos Santos, Baja California. My husband wanted to take a surf trip down to Baja last year and I recalled a client of mine talking about this funky, hippy oasis in Baja a couple of years prior. She and her husband had been thinking about moving here and through astrocartography -the study a person’s natal planetary lines through place- I discouraged her to settle in Todos Santos. She didn’t. Yet my own curiosity was peaked. I found Todos Santos on the map and we constructed a trip arranged around the little town I am writing you from right now – the city’s name translates as “All Saints”.

Here we are again, a second trip in two years. We’re visiting during low season again, and from la turistas who have only visited here during high season, a quieter town. Many shops say they’re open, abierto, but don’t bother. The yoga retreats apparently take place in the spring. So do the art and wine festivals, open houses, poetry conferences and writer retreats. Organic produce, while bragged about in the town paper, is hard to come by. In fact, fresh produce has all but gone extinct. When we arrived last Monday, the weather was still mild. Now it’s getting hot, testimony to our “good” room rates. As we walk past the numerous, strangely identical mutts, they’re too dog tired to bark. A thick coat of dust covers everything. The neighborhood kids come over, splash and play, washing that dust and grime off in our hotel pool, a greasy film floating atop sea green milky water – when it’s open. Every other full day it’s closed for cleaning, of course.

And we’re happy to be here, sinking into the lazy rhythm of trips to the beach, to the town grocer, the beach of the wolves, Punta Lobos, to watch our dinner come in on boats. We’re vegetarians, all, but when we travel, we eat what the locals eat. One vegetarian teenager doesn’t want to see the gutting of the pescado and says she’ll stay in the car. Curiosity takes over, and soon she’s watching too, kicking at the sand, stealing sideways glances as the fish meets its death, a fish out of water surrendering its life for ours. We prepare the fish pan fried, with butter and lime later that day. We intend to eat it as a taco, as the countless fish taco stands have created the hankering for constant intake of fish taco. But this fish is so fresh we eat it plainly, simply.

When we drive, there are altars everywhere, shrines along the dusty single lane roads. For a country with very little means, I’m again pleasantly surprised by the artfulness of the altars, the careful attention given to the dead. In these idyllic chapel structures, the flowers always appear fresh – even the fake ones. It’s no illusion that someone comes out to the middle of nowhere, a place without a town, mile marker 54, to mindfully care for the sanctuario. Cars regularly stop at these sites, prayers are said, tributes made to loved ones lost on a dark desert highway…

Yes, this is the land of the dark desert highway. The famed Hotel California exists in Todos Santos. Urban legend says the Eagles wrote Hotel California on a trip to Todos Santos, which Don Henley, when asked by a reporter if this was true, denied. Hotel California is a wee taste of hype, in a land less touched by California’s glamour than its money. The Baja relationship to gringos is one like any other international relationship - economic. The real estate is California-priced, so are the T-Bone steaks, so too other indulgences a California traveler might require. The town has one beauty salon, newly occupied since last year, but the young trend-setting proprietor looks hot and restless, hanging out on the sidewalk. She’ll join other shop owners on the corner where they gather under the shade of an umbrella to smoke and watch the gringos walk by. We’ve met scant few gringos, a few we’ve met at the hotel, or overheard talking about real estate at the restaurants.

And the real estate of the desert, what does that look like? It’s sparse, dry, but it quietly exists, too. I remind myself that this too supports life forms of which I have yet to see. The Sometimes a chinchilla or a lizard darts across the road. I’m thrilled when the occasional bright red or magenta flower emerges from the bleached landscape, usually on a cactus that looks half alive. I see this as a hopeful symbol for life. Life does survive against all odds, bloom even, in a harsh food-less, water less desert. Does the bloom of a cactus know faith? On stretches of highway, the cacti look like people in various life stages. I see the bone dry cacti as abuellos, ancient grandfathers of the desert. I imagine their personalities: wise, sturdy, withstanding. The skeletal grandfathers bear witness to the life of the desert, almost as hidden from me as life under the sea. It’s a mysterious world of spirits out here.

Todos Santos, “All Saints” is on the Tropic of Cancer, and it’s where I find myself this summer solstice 2007. How on earth am I at the right place, at the right time? I ask myself. These 3-4 days around June 21, the Sun reaches his northernmost point at the tropic of Cancer, that latitudinal line in space where the Sun is directly, specifically overhead at noon. It’s a special time of year - we’re given the longest days of the year, the shortest nights now. From now thru December, sunlight will slowly diminish.

Looking for a way to language in the light, I learn people the world over celebrate rituals of equinox (although in the southern hemisphere it’s the beginning of winter) in various forms, all of which honor tradition and celebration of summer’s bounty. Litha, a Wiccan holiday, is observed by pagans. In many countries, Saints are honored, especially St. John (Italy, Germany, Canada, France, Brazil, Denmark, Estonia, Russia and more). So are Gods, like Ukko, in Finland. Along with bounty – fruits, flowers and harvest, both water and fire are ceremonial components of these days. The Estonians jump over fire for good luck and prosperity (the bigger the fire, the better the luck) while in Ireland bonfires are built on hilltops. Relationship is a theme too. In Norway, mock-weddings are performed, symbolizing the blossom of new life. In Finland, drunken cavorting and short-term relationships are common. All also honor the life-giving water that sustains them by eating fish, celebrating next to water and reveling in espiritu, spirits.

The Sun is pure fire, our life force, energizing the days of our lives and astrologically, the Sun’s entry into Cancer is our calendar marker for Solstice. The Sun in Cancer brings all of these ruminations into focus: honoring the past while securing the future, the need for tradition, memory, grounded in the celebration of the harvest. Cancer as a personality type is watery, emotional but Cancer as a season is procreative. That’s why the sign is connected to pregnancy, cooking, families, home and hearth. Cancer sun times are to be celebrated, not like the gushing energy of Leo, but nostalgically, protectively. This is the time to remember (doubly with Mercury retrograde) our roots, our origins and by so doing place a seed in the ground for future posterity. For Cancer, there’s no way to move forward without reconciling the past. It just can’t be done.

Cancer is also the point of conception, the ancient point on the astrological wheel where spirit is made flesh. In Ancient Egypt, the scarab belonging to Cancer was a symbol of immortality and the divine aspect of human nature and was buried with the dead. It was regarded so highly, Egyptians often removed the heart before mummification, replacing it with a scarab. Legend says that the scarab, or dung beetle, rolled a ball of dung (which it saved as nourishment for its offspring) across the sky with the Sun, facing backwards( If you’ve known a Cancer personality, you’ll understand the sideways, backward scuttle they often take to get from point A to B). Naturally, the scarab was an aspect of the Egyptian Sun God, Ra. Here’s an Egyptian visual of a sunrise: the regal scarab, spreading its translucent wings in shimmering rays.

And throughout all of this, I’ve mentioned nothing of the Moon. What of the Moon, you ask, Cancer’s ruling planet? The Moon is Isis, the feminine and the relationship between the Sun and the Moon is the most divine love story, ever. (You’ll have to come back for Cancer’s New Moon to hear about her!) For now, the day belongs to the Sun, our life force, emanating so brightly. Summer solstice is a time to remember our spiritual connection to the divine, a time for remembering our familial heritage and ties to the land. Nurture the aspect of your self that gives life by eating seasonally, spending time with family and taking frequent rests (just like a pregnant mom!). Honor your need to go inward, to protect the new life growing inside of you. Your procreative powers are quietly, silently strong.

Dads. Everyone’s got one. There’s a good dad, bad dad and everything in between dad. I’m pondering, of course, Father’s Day and wondering why the bleep this Cancer country finds it necessary to have a national holiday for Dads. Not everyone is blessed with a good dad - in fact I’ll even generously split it right down the middle and say 50/50 you’ve had a good dad. I say generous because experience tells me a different story, because I’ve known far more girlfriends with bad dads than good dads. Yet seeing how complex life is, people are, and that most of us do the best we can with what we’ve got (including Dad) I’m considering bad dad/good dad could be hallucinations of the dad archetype, essentially two sides of the same coin, maybe even equal in magnitude and power to enchant us with their magical spells. Here’s my attempt to define good and bad dad on the backdrop of current astrological trends influencing fatherhood: the Saturn-Neptune opposition and Chiron in Aquarius, the wounded healer, who invisibly chimes in for the final word.

Who is dad to begin with? Saturn is the planet astrology assigns to Fathers, a disciplinarian, a teacher, a stand-up character as seen by society’s standards, a definitively cool disposition (not warm or affectionate) but by all means a provider. Straight up, Saturn is only a provider. He’s the kind of dad who thinks parenting is putting food on the table. As an archetypal energy, this is a simple-minded but apparently quite popular collective imagining of Good Dad. There’s another equally simple-minded glamorous imagining of Good Dad - the perfect dad who looks great in a suit and even better with a little baby vomit for the Mr. Mom effect. Oh, and there’s another, and another. There are as many examples of “Good Dads” as we can dream up. Do these people really exist? Yes. We imagine them as they become.

Now, Saturn has been in Leo since July 2005. This brings out the warmer side of dad, because this stand up man is a provider but he’s more human now, he’s got a heart (Leo). Saturn behaves fairly well in Leo, trying to live up to Leo’s standards by becoming a respectable, contributing member of society (Saturn) and one who has the solar qualities of personal pride, integrity and healthy self-respect (Leo). These two fit together nicely. When I Google “what is a good dad?” I get these examples: good provider, moral guide, role model, patient, sets a good example, good listener, a teacher. As I continue to scan search results for good dad, I come across Askmen.com. Of course! Duh, who else would I ask? Askmen.com intros: “A good father makes all the difference in a child’s life. He’s a pillar of strength, support and discipline. His work is endless and, oftentimes, thankless. But in the end, it shows in the sound, well-adjusted children he raises.” It is true, without the love and hard work carved from our father’s tailbone we’re Gumby-like bodies without structural support. Other notables: spending quality time together, accepting his kids aren’t like him, and again leading by example. Note that childlike Leo has a ton of natural empathy with kids – Leo remembers what it’s like to be a kid, because he is one (oh, another good dad quality mentioned – he remembers what it’s like to be a kid). Saturn in Leo seems to make a fine dad.

Of course Adolf Hitler’s Saturn was in Leo. Which brings me to the subject of bad dads – oh where did they go wrong? I know it’s a complex subject. The reason why I’m talking all this smack is that Saturn’s passage through Leo has, for the past 2 years, given good dad the opportunity to show up. Really, just show up, be the good guy. But Neptune has been opposing good dad (Saturn in Leo), and Neptune is the planet of falsehood, not fatherhood. So I’m curiously contemplating this Neptune in relation to Saturn good dad and thinking about all those Father’s Day slick advos with the young dad looking chipper, lovingly into his son or daughters eyes. How many of us have had this imprinted onto our collective consciousness? Oh, dad. The barbecues you loved to cook for us, the baseball games, the values you instilled, the Hallmark card I can’t wait to get for you…I’m tearing up. Screeching tires, backtrack.

Now I’m thinking about the deadbeat dads, the ones that leave the scene MIA, or who never showed up in the first place. How many single mothers are there in the USA? The US Census says in 2005 there were 10 million women living with children under 18. So why, does the same source say there only 2.5 million single fathers in 2006 (19% of whom are living with their children)? Where are the 7.5 million missing dads? Did they all become ex-pats in that one year? Granted, I don’t know how the Census collects their data, but I’m guessing it has something to do with whom one claims oneself as being to the IRS. Clearly, Neptune has absconded with these fathers. Or, more directly, these fathers do not identify, they do not exist. Poof! “And as good Christian citizens of America, we want them back” (best said with a mid-west accent).

But I do not want to dog bad dad, here. I am exploring Saturn and Neptune. And asking what good can come of this pair, good dad opposed by this elusive, ill, dad in absentia mass? And here’s where Neptune logic kicks in – Neptune will blow us off course until we make an effort to worship him. We will wander hopelessly until we ask, as Dana Gerhardt did in June’s TMA, ‘to what altar do I kneel to everyday?’ She says, “Neptune wants nothing less than total devotion.” How daunting. Daunting because this means, whether conscious or not, you are already totally devoted to some form of Neptune’s shtick. The trick is, making your devotion conscious, so it’s not a shtick, so it’s not some strange parody, devotion to a ghost. The Greeks kept the malefic Neptune destructive forces of Neptune’s tsunamis, floods and destruction away by constructing altars, making sacrifices. (They knew their place in the world – a tiny speck of sand. The all-consuming ocean was King.) I’m considering this dilemma of devotion, and considering that maybe at this tail end of this long Saturn –Neptune opposition (officially ending this month) some of us have awakened to our own altars built in confusion, built around our fathers. Are we realizing how destructive, how draining it can be to worship the wrong father?

Everyone has an altar to fatherhood, I’m convinced of it. You’re celebrating Father’s Day. You live in America. Personally, mine resembled a ghostly altar to good dad, the one who never existed, and more importantly, the one who wasn’t real. I had to surrender the good dad and the bad dad. The surrender was long, and it felt like a tsunami washing my island clean of every last malingering wishful thinking debris, like: maybe this conversation will be different, maybe this time… Paradoxically this tsunami of surrendering the illusion happened shortly before I fell in love. I fell in love…ahhh…with a most exceptional dad, my husband, around the same time this strange planetary pair, Saturn and Neptune entered their cosmic dance with each other. And guess what happened? My dad paradigm shifted completely. My slate had been wiped so clean, so entirely clear of good dad/bad dad that I was permitted to receive a re-education from the original teacher his/her self, Love. And the bonus: because I’d never experienced good dad (he was only a fantasy, you see) the learning has been far better than I ever imagined.

First, I began to actually understand what Hallmark meant when they said ‘To the Best Dad in the World’- because I fell in love with him. I learned that the self-sacrifice of a parent didn’t equal martyrdom (or sainthood), for which no child, nor parent need pay in blood. I learned there are some exceptional dads out there who courageously sacrifice a piece of their personal self for their brood every day, and smile doing it! (This was a particularly joyful discovery) I’m still learning what it means to actively participate in a child’s life, to teach, coax, and reinforce goodness out of every moment as though it were the most precious moment, ever. And when I become overwhelmed by the bumpy inner world of occupying the mind bubble of a 10 or 12 or 14 year old, I see that for every overblown myopic agony and emotion, the corresponding reassuring hand of someone who’s got your back…and who won’t let you down…strengthens the reality baseline for everyone in the house. Maybe even the world. Best of all, I have a ringside seat next to someone really, really wants to be there (I mean more than anything) to play the defining role in his children’s lives. And could quite capably be the best man they ever know. Ever. What a tall order! What a grand thing!

So to all you good people wondering where the good dads went this Father’s Day: they’re with the bad dads, locked in a mythical battle between good and evil, dark and light. They’re busy preoccupying your mind and heart, forcing you to wait for him to show up at your dance recital or little league game, still (when you know he won’t) or say the right thing at the right moment (because he’ll say the wrong thing all over again). Maybe it’s time to end the agony for once and all. Here’s my new suggestion: could you, possibly reckon surrendering the good dad and bad dad, for an in-between one? This doesn’t mean you need to hero worship when you’re heart is not in it, nor throw in the towel. Hallmark isn’t required; a phone call will suffice. Possibly a tedious one, with predictable conversation and one in which if your new treaty is tested (as it will be) you will silently focus on your basic good nature, and his (because he’s human, too) while surrendering hope for conscious validation of anyone’s G-O-O-D or B-A-D. You will keep the faith and compassion on a heart level, where you will build your own altar to the values you know to be true, but which may possibly never happen within this particular relationship. You have my permission to surrender your illusion of good dad - he’s no longer necessary AND bad dad – because you need to grow up. Simply, he’s not either guy. And in my experience, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to wipe your slate clean of hope for the good dad and the bad dad (both of whom left you in the dust) and surround yourself with friend dads, neighbor dads, step dads, husband dads and come-as-you-are-dads who are just that good at what they do. And give those dads a hug.

THE AGE OF DISSONANCE; Blame the Messenger by Bob Morris

Published The New York Times 4/18/04, available at nytimes.com/archives

This article solicits feedback about the phenomena of Mercury retrograde, which happens several times a year in 3 week periods. Mercury Retrograde defined: Mercury was named after the Roman messenger God and occasionally his orbit gets so slow that he appears to move backward in the sky. As the author tries to decide whether to take any of it seriously, he discovers many levelheaded and celeb fabulous people do. Yes, communication goes awry. Yes, deals fall through. No, don’t buy a new computer. But what you didn’t know was, Mercury retrograde has an underground following. I think it falls in the category of modern day folk wisdom. Everyone who’s experienced it is a believer.

A) An LA psychiatrist’s patients tell her they can’t sign contracts or keep commitments during Merc Rx (which she sees as a thin excuse for irresponsibility). Of course you do. You’re a psychiatrist.

B) Celebs are paying attention to Mercury. Marla Maples is cautious during the period, ”It’s a time to be more conscious of everything that’s happening.” Singer Taylor Dayne is a Mercury watcher who avoids making record deals when Mercury’s Rx. “It’s Murphy’s Law…but 10 times worse,” she said.

C) Make-up artist Lori Klein likens Rx to a really bad case of PMS, you see it as a sort of warning to “…keep to yourself rather than flying into a rage for no reason.”

D) The standard advice was offered: standard computer back-ups, reflecting more, going slowly.

The author himself admits to blurting out foot in mouth remarks at inopportune moments during Mercury Rx periods. This is when a compassionate friend introduced the whole Mercury phenomenon. He’s still not a believer, but floats it as a “trendy alibi” to excuse various errata. Touche.

Well did I tell you before
When l was up
Anxiety was bringing me down
l’m tired of listening to you
Talking in rhymes
Twisting round to think
You’re straight down the line

All you do to me is talk talk
– Talk Talk by Talk Talk

Love your neighbor as yourself.
- Jesus

I’ve spent this Gemini New Moon morning at a sixth grade graduation for my stepdaughter, Sarah. I even saw Twins while I was thinking about writing you, two toddlers in pink dresses whooping it up in the Sun. As the awards were handed out, parents cheered. It seems kids get graduation ceremonies in elementary, middle, high school and college now. Balancing the possibility that I might be witnessing excess suburbiaville against my love for celebrating rites of passage, I reckon the more we celebrate rites of passage, the greater our chances of becoming whole individuals. A grandmother stood beside us, and looking at the Twins playing on the playground said (with a pinched, indignant expression) “we should be allowed to play on playgrounds, too!” Instantly I think, aren’t you? You’re playing in the playground of your mind, giggling, falling down and getting up again, begrudgingly, yes, but you absolutely remember how to be carefree.

Gemini is young, forever young. Here’s good news: youth is not what they’re selling you. It’s not the Botox or even the number. It’s the freedom of mind, body and spirit to step onto the playground and giggle, to imagine what it might be like to steal behind the bushes with a boy (at this age!), to wear striped knee-hi socks and mismatched sneakers with your skirt, as Sarah did today. You want permission to be devilish? Oh, let me ask my parents before I jump into a mud puddle/ tear into a cake/ pet a strange dog. Puh-lease. Youth doesn’t hesitate. It’s that wise. By trusting in innocence, youth knows it can get out of a jam. And it’s almost always right.

New Moons are inventive because you get to start over, each and every month. This New Moon is doubly inventive because it’s Gemini. The Twins represent the slice of the zodiacal wheel where we reach out and touch someone or something else. We simply make contact, connect. We are no longer one, we are two. It’s delightful to discover we’re not alone in the Universe – all we want to do is talk about our discovery, share it, move in it, dissect it, be apart of it. And what is “it”? Oh, it’s so fresh, so hip, so very now… It’s what’s happening right here, right now and that quite possibly is the most important thing in the world. You are that which exists to reinvent itself. And you are never the same being two days in a row. So capturing this you? Impossible! You are pure spirit, the breath, the breath of life. (Side question: are you breathing or are you being breathed?)

We’re constantly inflowing and out flowing this breath. We give off life, we take in life. We each vibrate at a unique frequency. Surrounding our selves with nasty, low energy we begin to feel nasty and low. Read a positive, uplifting book – we’re uplifted. We’re in a confluence of influences. And as physics says, we influence the confluence. We have an affect on one another. It appears when two objects collide and then separate, the two objects are never again truly separate from the other. When one changes, no matter how far apart in space and time, the other does too. This theory of energetic connection is called quantum interconnectedness. So there you have it: every connection you make energetically travels – to your Twin.

For those of us looking at life from the perspective of the dark night sky, feeling so alone and separate – think infinite. You’re not a solitary being, after all. You probably have spawned many Twins, hundreds, maybe thousands. And if you’re reading this and you’re a celebrity, you affect millions or more (and if you’re reading this, and you’re a celebrity, call me). To all this I say: more power to you and your Twin. Literally. Where is this longwinded rant headed? We influence one another. Our connections create Twin identities. We are never the same person twice. We may be being breathed. Celebrate everything you can. Don’t think about giggling, trust it. Find someone to talk to, observe your surroundings…record it, write it down. Hmmm, where am I going again? Nowhere, really. And nowadays, that’s really somewhere.

*for helpful advice on Mercury’s move retrograde tomorrow(!) click on the Mercury link.

Mercury, the bugger we love to love and love to hate. It’s an ambiguous relationship, as ambiguous as Silver Toes his self, err her self. Whatever. You love your computer right? Maybe you hate it today? See my point? When everything’s going smoothly and it works we love, love, love Mercury. Like a fickle lover we’ve grown comfortable with, we take he/she/it for granted. We just don’t think about how grand it is to have email (that works!), a cell phone, a land line, internet service and the post man…who always delivers. Ooh, but when things get retrograde crazy girl, it’s like that cell phone T.V. commercial. You know the one where the daughter calls mom from Vegas.
Mom: ‘What are you doing in Vegas, honey? You wouldn’t do anything silly like get married would you?’
The call drops.
Mom: panics.
Mom: jumps to conclusions.
‘Honey, are you there? Honey, you’re not getting married are you?’
Mom: at her wits end.
‘Honey, don’t make the same mistake your father and I made!’
We can only wonder if dad overheard that untimely comment. Perhaps daughter is hearing this for the first time, too (OMG, my parent’s marriage is a sham!) That’s how Mercury retrograde is…Oh, the havoc, the heartache, the communication meltdowns he/she/it can wreak. Let’s take a step back and take a breather…

Mercury is going retrograde in Cancer for 3 weeks. Jumping to conclusions is probably not a good idea. You’ll have more than one chance too – guaranteed. When your boyfriend doesn’t call, it’ll be easy to launch into insecurities…even though he’s very reliable, generally. Give these Mercury retrograde moments the benefit of the doubt - your doubt. Doubt that the inconsiderate slight was actually intended. Chances are it was something unanticipated. Cancer is a touchy-feely sign, very sensitive. Because both the Moon and Mercury relate directly to memory, memories will surface easily, especially heart memories. Steven Forrest, a teacher of mine, likened the Moon to the memory written on your heart. The heart doesn’t record details, it records feelings…your first kiss, prom night, your grandma’s funeral. You remember what you were wearing that day, your sweetie’s name or the most amazing Amazing Grace you’ve ever heard, because it left a heart impression. The heart has fuzzy logic, the details aren’t important - it’s the feeling that counts. Whereas Mercury memory is akin to your computer’s Random Access Memory, the place you store bits of information temporarily. Mercury information is uncommitted and temporary – random because it has no physical location, and can be retrieved quickly. According to wikipedia, RAM is short, reliable and consistent. Like a conversation.

So what happens when head and heart slow down? The fuzziest of logic. You may have to bypass RAM altogether and go straight for the psychic gist of things. Feeling sensitivity is strong - your feelers are attuned to the heart content, not the words. Hence, incredible subjectivity and overreaction overrule logic– especially where family and home are concerned.

Prepare to repeat conversations at least twice, probably three times, as a rule of thumb. Prepare to revisit heart memories at least twice, probably three times, as a rule of thumb. Do I repeat myself? How annoying.

Here are a few tips to avoid repeating the same thing twice (also called a mistake).

Accept no job. It’s not the right time. It will turn out differently than you expected.
Sign no contracts - unless you’ve already decided to do so, prior to this third week of June.
Double check your plane tickets, travel plans. Arrive early. Delays are likely.
Don’t fight the cancellations, double booked plans, and random no-shows. It’s all apart of the cosmic plan.
Basically, don’t start anything new, especially if you’re in the information business.
Don’t move house – unless you’ve taken care of everything prior to this time.
Don’t ride on empty. Fill your gas tank. If your car has an arthritic knee, don’t ask it to run a marathon.
Don’t sell your prized possession on a whim. Actually, don’t take any unreasonable risks. You’ll regret it later.

Go forth boldly in these things:
Anything beginning with “re-“: remember, re-pot a plant, resell your used clothes, return to a place you love, remodel your kitchen… With one exception: it’s likely not a good time to return to an old love relationship, especially if it was broken to begin with.
Visit with old friends, relatives, reunions. Yay!
Dream often and deeply, take care of old business, finish up projects you’ve already begun.
Talk it out in therapy. Cancer loves therapy, so it’s a fab time to dig into your root cellar and deeply re-hash and emote for a final good-riddance (it’s also the sign of “endings”).
Don’t push the river. Really. What’s the point in that? Go to the beach instead. Cancer energy needs sea-space, solitude, reflective down time. Keep expectations on yourself and others reasonable, easy. Expect change. Who’s really in control here, anyhow?
Give your computer a break when it acts up. Step outside.

Remember, we love Mercury because he’s the mastermind of communication and transportation, the genie inside the computer, the telephone, subway, highway, mail system and the piece of gossip (or information) that lands on our ear at exactly the right moment. Remember, don’t kill the messenger. He/she/it needs a summer vacation, too.

Thank Mercury for Mercury.

I was taking a walk on this fine Pisces Moon day and saw an artist friend who lives down the road. “Hey there,” I said, “what are you doing on the upside of this mountain?” “Ah, good to see you! I’ve been working so hard I needed a break so I walked up to the lake.” “Lake?” I asked. “Yeah, the lake up over the hill, right after the ranch.” Ooooh, I didn’t know we had a lake nearby. I thanked him for the new piece of information.

It struck me that other artists might be feeling the same need for release too, today. It being a waning last quarter Moon in Pisces and all. I had planned on going up to my favorite tree, sit under it’s green canopy, drink in the colors and ground.

Which brings me to the subject of color - which Neptune retrograde has brought to my attention. I had a wonderful discussion with my friend Lise over this past holiday weekend about the effect color has on the spirit. I mentioned that a healer I used to frequent advocated looking at gardens and trees through special industrial prisms  -  as an energetic balance for low immune and life force.  And wow, did my vitality lift!  She told me she had recently attended an art exhibit where images seemed to float in prisms, and she found this enriching, too.

So I went to my tree and watched the colors grow in vibrance and numinosity. By the time I left, I was mistaking leaves in my path for flecks of gold…

Hmmm…has anyone else noticed their colors brighten over the past couple weeks?

After currency exchange is accomplished, chaos ensues – that kind of disorientation that every Sagittarius sun sign experiences via their favorite pastime and hobby – the culture shock of travel. This is not a completely voluntary phenomenon. Sagittarius often travels because they feel like they were born of a different age, era or tribe. It’s the sense of being a stranger in a strange land that compels them to wander the globe to find their people or place. Many find their true tribe far away from home. Others find solace in a religious group, counter culture or politic. Looking around me in the train station, I wonder how many people who live in Hungary are immigrants, and how many Hungarians have emigrated, left their own home for a safer, saner life.

How different this country is from the beautiful, civilized city of Vienna only a brief train ride away. My romantic notions of grandeur were fading. What happened to the grand promise of this city, once favored by Austrian Prince Franz Joseph as “the next Vienna?” Just like a person, to know a country’s history is to know its character. Late 19th- early 20th century Budapest was grand – accepting immigrants from Poland and Russia with promise of legal equality and a better life. Urban development boomed and Budapest became the hub of a railway system, joining lands and welcoming minorities. But diversity would be its downfall, as the Prime Minister declared only Hungarian would be taught in all the schools so only those who could speak Hungarian would ultimately thrive here. WWII ethno-centrism was just beginning to rear its ugly head. During the brief “golden years” that followed, Pest especially became a spot for art and literature as cafes bustled with bohemian thinkers. Hungarian food, (goulash, which is in fact amazingly tasty!), became the fad for worldly “foodies.” But golden years ended at WWII’s arrival. After the Russians destroyed what was left of the Hungarian army, they occupied Pest while the Germans took opposite camp at Buda Castle. Any Hungarians who could escape fled; for those remaining, the bloodshed was medieval. When the Germans surrendered in 1945, there was nothing left standing – all bridges crossing the Danube had been destroyed.

But this isn’t the end of the freedom fight. Hungary’s Sagittarian hunger for political independence was still going strong. The Hungarian revolution against the Communist regime in the 1950’s was possibly the saddest time in Hungarian history. After suffering years of communist corruption, violence and repression Hungary wanted the old Hungary back. A student uprising in 1956 resulted in 5 days of celebratory freedom - a 33 year long teaser. While the rest of the world was distracted by the Suez Canal crisis, Moscow sent down their troops, attacked civilians. Without an army, civilians became soldiers, throwing Molotov cocktails under Russian tanks. Again, where was the rest of the world? This country, this city of Budapest seemed to be eternally under siege – friendless, freedomless, ultimately strangers in their own land.

When you stop putting yourself on the line, and you don’t touch your own heart, how do you expect to touch other people? – Tori Amos, Venus in Leo Diva

People are emboldened in heart affairs during Venus in Leo’s passage. Dramatic gestures of love and appreciation fan the flames of passion and romance - and isn’t that what we’re all after? Courtship is more than a first date, or the honeymoon period of a romance, it’s the love of a lifetime. We want that in-love feeling all the time (which is why Leo’s are notorious romantics)! What we want from our partners is nothing less than worship.

We want to be wooed and others want our wooing. How to woo? Heap the attention on your lovers, lavish them with luxury, affection, and every Leo’s wet dream: praise. Be the recipient of the wooing by unleashing your creativity, charisma and 1000% original flair. Leave an impression. As Venus in Leo fashion icon Coco Chanel said, “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” Develop a signature style, a trademark and work it, work it, work it. Coco also said, “There have been several Duchesses of Westminster but there is only one Chanel!” The mark of authenticity is Leo’s claim and in Venus’s realm of beauty, style, fashion, relatedness and love… only the fabulous need apply.

Here’s the ultimate diva clause: there’s only room for one beauty in this room. She needs her own spotlight to feel special. You don’t have a spot for her? Hmmm. Wonder how long you’ll last in her life. Ultimately she carries her own, so has no problem attracting someone who will turn up the wattage on her already brilliant mega-watt smile. Her attention makes you feel special too, like you’ve passed through the velvet ropes and are now entering the VIP lounge. You feel worthy. You feel happy. You feel loved. And this evokes a huge applause, like fireworks in your heart. It’s the woo-woo…and wow! of her creative power. A gold colored aura emanates from her mighty heart, dazzling us with her fierce love and creative strength.

And now a word from our sponsor…
(Feeling intimidated, judgmental, shy, guilty, or think astrology is a bunch of over-sensationalized celebrity crock? Woo-woo and wow, you smirk. Well, obviously your diva needs some of your attention. Where have you hidden her? Underneath a rock? A frumpy peasant skirt? A condescending attitude, judgmental criticism? Where’s your sense of fun? As the original purveyor of attitude: ‘tude is attractive. Have you ever seen a supermodel without it? Hello?)
And now we return to our original programming…

And her heart - It takes two strong hearts to withstand that heat. You can impress others with your amazing strength, but without an equal, someone with gifts and bravado equally as fabulous as yours, the applause moves in one direction. Which is fine if you’re Madonna, but not so cool if you’re in the business of loving, related partnership. You want a relationship that’s dynamic, exciting and mutually supports the artistry and creative gifts of one another. And no matter how evolved you claim to be, how grown-up or ego-less, none of us, read: no one ever loses the need for recognition and applause. It’s a human thing, an unabashedly appropriate reward for our human labors of love. One person wants to see their work of art hanging in the Louvre, the other, a patent on their new drug, yet another, the paycheck that pays the gross worth of their talent. So the give and take is: one person applauds and the other is the audience. Here’s the script: “I am your number one fan. I love, applaud and honor (your talent here). You are wealthy and luxurious in so many ways (list here). You are so fabulous, classy and original (other adjectives here) that you blow me away! Your creativity is so endless I can’t wait to see what you come up next! Then you switch places.

Venus is in Leo and love is in the making. What’s Leo love? It’s active appreciation for your unique strengths, and those of the people around you. Its loving yourself enough to let your creative seeds out of the closet and let them shine. Celebrate your creative strength and power, put your work of art on the line and you’ll be met with a warm reception. Showcase your talent. Take a creative risk. You may think someone else is better than you (Saturn in Leo). So what? You’re an original. And please, for the sake of those trembling Lions who are just coming out of the den for the first time, follow the golden rule of Leo: if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all!

Dalai Lama: 6 July 1935

Cancer’s identity centers on home and family, so it must be terribly painful for His Holiness the XIVth Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso to be exiled from his home country, Tibet since 1950. Nobel Peace Prize winner and Spiritual leader, His Holiness was recognized as a reincarnation of the XII Dalai Lama at age two (this story is beautifully told in the movie Kundun). In Buddhism, Dalai Lamas are enlightened beings choosing reincarnation to compassionately serve others. While the Dalai Lama directly serves the people of Tibet, whose cultural, spiritual legacy continues to be dismantled by the Chinese government, indirectly, he serves anyone who aspires to end suffering. Cancerians have a strong tie to the past - in it they see rich treasures, like wisdom teachings of ancestors. For the Dalai Lama, precious centuries of ancient spiritual texts risk extinction. Although territorial and protective, Cancer is a lover, not a fighter. His Holiness practices non-violent resistance - resisting Chinese occupation through his peaceful world presence. A truly awakened voice for compassion, tolerance and world peace, his bright light shines for all.

Lindsay Lohan: 2 July 1986

The public is nothing but changeable, and the Moon’s changeable reputation is well deserved; she changes signs every 2 ½ days. So will teen queen Lindsay Lohan’s success be transitory? Disney’s Parent Trap, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Freaky Friday (for which she also recorded the soundtrack hit) all elevated Lohan to tweenie pop icon status. Graduating from Disney productions, to no. 4 on Maxim’s sexiest Top 100 women, 2005, will this rosebud Cancer have what it takes to weather the media machine? Media gossip centers around her family (her father is incarcerated), and a potential eating disorder, both Moon subjects. If good family relationships can heal a Cancer, bad ones can cause a lifetime of heartaches - for the Crab has a hard time letting go of hurtful memories. Cancer needs nurturing, and when she’s deprived of tender loving care her powerfully strong nurturing instinct can be turned inward, self-destructively. Food is a Cancer commodity, a symbol of nourishment and love. For bulimics, self-care has gone very wrong. Let’s hope Lindsay finds her way by the helpful, healing light of the Moon!

Tom Cruise: 3 July 1962

Born July 3rd, Tom Cruise won his first Golden Globe and Oscar Nomination for his sensitive portrayal of a Vietnam vet in Born on the 4th of July. Patriotism, loyalty, family and honor are Cancer themes, but so also, compassion, a guiding light in that story - eloquently expressed by Cancer Cruise. True compassion is often born of hardship; young Tom’s parents constantly moved, (he attended 15 different schools by age 14) eventually divorced, and ensuing financial hardship forced him to start working at age 12. While coddled Cancerians can remain Mama’s boys well into adulthood, Tom was forced to carry his home on his back, giving him tenacity and strength of character, qualities that helped him persist through dyslexia, and now, an ambitious acting career. Not to say that Tom wasn’t coddled as a child- his sister brought her girlfriends home to use 7-year-old Tom for kissing practice. A ladies man is born! Oprah and Rosie would both agree - this romantic Cancer captures ladies hearts everywhere.

Jessica Simpson: 10 July 1980

If Jessica Simpson were a flavor of ice cream she’